On 26 Oct 2008 night after the service, when Pastor Paul asked me whether I want to have the anointing of carrying the cross – however, I was not ready. I need to consider this very carefully as this means a lot to me. Am I willing to let go of everything and follow the Lord’s way? There is no turning back for me – is my mind, my heart, my thoughts in the correct way?
Thanks God that He let me heard a Chinese song “Mandate” by Ezra worship in Praise 2. The Lord used this song to prepare my heart and finally a week later, I told the Lord “I’m willing”. I kept reminding myself “He must become greater, I must become less” - John 3:30 to build up my faith...
After our worship practice on the night of Wed, 5 Nov, after Pastor Paul released the power of The Sword's anointing on me, the power of God came upon my body and I started to bend. I couldn’t stand straight. Suddenly my right hand seemed to be carrying something and a very heavy weight was on my back. Oh! In my heart I asked God whether this is the day? It was already quite late and I was about to go home. The more I struggled, the heavier the Cross. In order to be obedient, I repented and tell the Lord “I am willing to carry His cross”.
I began to feel His pain - of helplessness, loneliness, rejection by people and even God Himself! The burden of sin was so heavy beyond words. One of our sisters cried, mourned and wailed like the woman mentioned in Luke 23:27-29. I then climbed to this sister, comforted her and gave her a hug – I was still under the anointing.
Thank you Jesus for giving me this experience. It not only strengthens my faith, it also helps me to trust Him and be more courageous to face the challenges ahead. I am now more sensitive to the Holy Spirit. The Lord has given me 2 angels with me and I also know their name.
Now, I can tell The Lord is greater, I am less. Amen!
我等待着天父的时间，就在一个星期三的晚上（11月5日），當保羅牧師行在圣灵恩膏时，他向我射出三支属灵的劍，这劍带着很大的力量進入我的灵的层面，我不知道神賜下什麼，只是彎著腰，然后兩手好像拉著東西在右邊，我的背好像有很重的物件壓下。哦！心想不會是今天吧，心里又開始掙扎，因为練習完主日崇拜的诗歌，時間已经很晚了，我的心很想要回家。虽然如此，我還是順服神把十架背上。在背的過程中，我感受到耶穌的心情- 無助，孤單，悲痛，被遺棄，藐視的感覺；他背上世界全人类的罪，真的是很沉重，这是無法用言語可形容得“重”。我聽到一位姐妹的凄凉的哭泣聲，就好像耶穌聽見那些婦女為他號哭（路23：27-29）。我就慢慢地爬向那位姐妹，就好像代表耶稣去安慰她，过了一段时间，她的哭聲渐渐停了下来，我感覺是结束的時候了，然后說了一句“成了” （約19：30），我就昏睡了。當我醒來時，腦里一片空白，什么都想不起，只想睡覺。