Carrying Jesus' Cross - The Pain experienced under the anointing by Sis Tan Chui Swan at CKRM

On 26 Oct 2008 night after the service, when Pastor Paul asked me whether I want to have the anointing of carrying the cross – however, I was not ready. I need to consider this very carefully as this means a lot to me. Am I willing to let go of everything and follow the Lord’s way? There is no turning back for me – is my mind, my heart, my thoughts in the correct way?

Thanks God that He let me heard a Chinese song “Mandate” by Ezra worship in Praise 2. The Lord used this song to prepare my heart and finally a week later, I told the Lord “I’m willing”. I kept reminding myself “He must become greater, I must become less” - John 3:30 to build up my faith...

After our worship practice on the night of Wed, 5 Nov, after Pastor Paul released the power of The Sword's anointing on me, the power of God came upon my body and I started to bend. I couldn’t stand straight. Suddenly my right hand seemed to be carrying something and a very heavy weight was on my back. Oh! In my heart I asked God whether this is the day? It was already quite late and I was about to go home. The more I struggled, the heavier the Cross. In order to be obedient, I repented and tell the Lord “I am willing to carry His cross”.

I began to feel His pain - of helplessness, loneliness, rejection by people and even God Himself! The burden of sin was so heavy beyond words. One of our sisters cried, mourned and wailed like the woman mentioned in Luke 23:27-29. I then climbed to this sister, comforted her and gave her a hug – I was still under the anointing.

Thank you Jesus for giving me this experience. It not only strengthens my faith, it also helps me to trust Him and be more courageous to face the challenges ahead. I am now more sensitive to the Holy Spirit. The Lord has given me 2 angels with me and I also know their name.
Now, I can tell The Lord is greater, I am less. Amen!

背上十架(第1章)

當保羅牧師在10月26號星期天的晚上問我要不要背十架的恩膏之时,已有两位姐妹正在領受。我當時的感覺是還不是時候,要回去禱告和深思。我本身認為這是一件非常嚴肅的事情,我必須確定“自己”已經準備好要背上耶穌的十架,因我知道这是沒有回頭路。我的心是否有掙扎?我的思緒是否正確?而且不是好玩的事情,我是必须带着甘心愿意的心放下一切來跟耶穌走十架的路。

感谢天上的父让我在祷告时听到这首歌“使命”(以斯拉专辑2),让我能因着这首诗歌深思“自己”是否准备好。我牢记着约翰3:30 “他必兴旺,我必衰微”的经文-坚固我的信心。一星期后,我很肯定告诉天父“我愿意”。

我等待着天父的时间,就在一个星期三的晚上(11月5日),當保羅牧師行在圣灵恩膏时,他向我射出三支属灵的劍,这劍带着很大的力量進入我的灵的层面,我不知道神賜下什麼,只是彎著腰,然后兩手好像拉著東西在右邊,我的背好像有很重的物件壓下。哦!心想不會是今天吧,心里又開始掙扎,因为練習完主日崇拜的诗歌,時間已经很晚了,我的心很想要回家。虽然如此,我還是順服神把十架背上。在背的過程中,我感受到耶穌的心情- 無助,孤單,悲痛,被遺棄,藐視的感覺;他背上世界全人类的罪,真的是很沉重,这是無法用言語可形容得“重”。我聽到一位姐妹的凄凉的哭泣聲,就好像耶穌聽見那些婦女為他號哭(路23:27-29)。我就慢慢地爬向那位姐妹,就好像代表耶稣去安慰她,过了一段时间,她的哭聲渐渐停了下来,我感覺是结束的時候了,然后說了一句“成了” (約19:30),我就昏睡了。當我醒來時,腦里一片空白,什么都想不起,只想睡覺。

第二天,我感覺特別的清新,好像換了另外一個人,信心加倍速增。我的心灵里拥有“更多的神,且更少的我”,对主聖靈的感應更加敏銳,更加的感受到有二位天使在我身旁守護着我。我那充满对神感恩的心是無語形容。
天父啊!求你來使用我這微小的器皿來完成你的大事吧! Amen.

6 comments:

Victoria Ho said...

I have alot of admiration for Chui Swan as she does not mind being used by God and as such the Lord has blessed her with many powerful gifts. I have been very blessed by the fire anointing that she has. Praise the Lord for humble servant like her.

Paul Ang said...

God gives the Spirit without limit" (John 3:34). Wanting more of Him means we need to become less. However, many Christians struggle as they want both; Spirit and as Paul said 'Carnal.'Either we allow the Spirit to lead us or our carnal to hinder what God wants to do in us.

The Spirit is supernatural & does supernatural things in opposition to the carnal(flesh).

THe first time Chui Swan came to CKRM, she was on the floor for almost 7 hours under the power of God with heavy downloading from God. It transformed her.

Anonymous said...

Blessed are those with pure hearts and clean hands.

Chui Swan's spirtitual ears are sentitive and most importantly is her obedience. Beyond the growth of spiritual ears is obedience.

God speaks to us in different ways(eg. through others), those who claim they can hear the Lord's voice yet reject Him because the lack of sensitivity and humility.

Wanting more of Him means we need to become less. Less of pride and more of humility and Agape Love. LOVE

JC sheep said...

Yes, while Jesus was carrying the cross, the feeling of helplessness, loneliness, rejection by people was at the extreme because even God Himself turned His face! The burden of sin was so heavy beyond words could explain!

While Sis Chui Swan was carrying the cross, God showed me that we are so blessed and be joyful while carrying the cross. This is because, comparing to Jesus, the cross that we are carrying is much much more lighter. Moreover, we are not alone because HE IS CARRYING WITH US!

Hebrews 13:5 because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."

Matthew 11: 29-30
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Anonymous said...

Hi JC sheep, I like your comment as well as your name.

The cross that we're carrying carries the Peace, Joy, Grace of Jesus - Our God!

Once again, I really like your name JC sheep, it is so blessed to be sheeps of Jesus Christ. LOVE

JC sheep said...

As Christian, we must carry the cross that is given by God and not our own ‘worldly cross’.

When we carry the cross from God, His strength is there for us to tap-on in order to support the weight of the cross.

As we all know, if we choose to be disciples of Jesus, 1 John 3:13 says: Do not be surprised, my brothers, if the world hates you. In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted (2 Timothy 3:12)

However, I remembered Ps Paul ever shared in one of his Saturday Power Ministry message, we must make sure that the persecution that we are going through is because of Jesus Christ. When we are persecuted because of Jesus, our reward is in Heaven. However, many of us, sometimes we are persecuted because of self-inflicted reasons or because of disobedience. When this happens, we are actually walking out of the protection of God and therefore, the devil will take the opportunity to accuse and attack us.

The worst situation is that, some of us are still living in the dark and not sensitive enough to seek and ask for forgiveness from God. Instead, we turn and blame others or even God for causing us suffer.

Some brothers and sisters that met months or years back told me about the problems they are encountering. Today, they are telling me the same problem again. Why? If we have a God that no problems are too big that cannot be solved by Him, why are we still hurt by the same cause again and again?

That is because we are carrying our own ‘worldly cross’ and do not wish to let go.

Matthew 10:30 says And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. We know that if God does not allow, not even one of our hairs can drop on the floor. So, anything that happen to us, there is lesson for us to learn. When we encountering the same problem again and again means we have not passed the test that God set for us. Instead of blaming others or God, why not put down our worldly cross, seek the Lord for His direction and strength to overcome it, pass the test and move on to another level.

Many times, problem occurs is because we think this is our right, we should be treated in this way but we are not, and therefore we feel unfair or being hurt. But if we really understand God’s plan for us and fully understand what He meant by we are a passer-by for this world, does it really matter to us what is fair and what is unfair to us. If we compare with Jesus, dying on the cross for all of us is the ‘most unfair’ punishment! Who are we to deserve such grace from God?

As an army of God, we really have to move fast and at the right direction as we know the coming of Christ is near. "The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few (Matthew 9:37). Let us all carry the cross that God assign to us, concentrate on our calling, put on our spiritual amour and fight the battles for God.

Hopefully, on the last day of our life in this world, we all could be like what Apostle Paul said in 2 Timothy 4:7-9 :-

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.