在我十四岁的时候，有一次在很深的敬拜中时，我在异象中看到自己去到耶稣的十字架前。那时候我看到耶稣挂在那里，我问耶稣：“主啊你为什么挂在那里？”耶稣简单的回答：“就是为了你！”那一句话深深的打碎我的心，我整个人垮在耶稣面前痛哭，从此，我深深的，无尽的爱着我的主耶稣，没有什么能够使我和主再分离，那时候，我才明白圣经所说：爱如死之坚强…宁愿死，也不再叫耶稣受羞愧。

昨天，在CKRM的时候，保罗牧师在圣灵的带领下问：“谁愿意背起十字架？”当我走出去的时候，我感受到神的爱在空气中环绕着我，于是我举起双手，保罗牧师把十字架放在我的手中。当他把十字架放在我的手中时，圣灵马上充满我，我感觉我整个人深深的拥抱着十字架，我忍不住的痛哭在神的面前，我感受到耶稣为我钉十字架的心情，他的爱、他的降服、他为了我这罪人而放弃他天上的荣华，甘愿成为人的样式，走上十字架的路，为我担当一切的羞愧、责骂、痛苦、忧伤、被神和人离弃……

第一次看见十字架，主让我开始爱上他，这一次，我知道主要我完全的降服他，顺服他至死。主让我明白，我们在这世上，并不是要建立自己的国度，而是建立神的国度。我们被召并不是要作伟大出名的勇士，而是像主耶稣，舍弃自己、谦卑的背起十字架跟随主。我愿意让主在我的生命中动工，以至于我自己在主面前越来越渺小，越来越衰退、直到我不再有自己，直到我完全遗失在主的爱里，而让主在我身上越来越显为大、越来越兴盛，直到基督完全的成形在我里面。

我渴望你，主，我愿你教导我走十字架的路，愿你的旨意形成在我身上，愿你保守我的心我的脚步，使我一生爱你、降服至死，而不半途丢弃你的十字架，羞辱你的名。啊们

邱多加
12－7－2009

Docas Testimony – The Cross

When I was fourteen, I saw a vision of myself going to the cross of Jesus while I was immersed in worship. Back then, I saw Jesus hanging on the cross. I asked Jesus：“Lord, why are you hanging there？”Jesus simply replied：“It is for you” That answer shattered my heart and I collapsed before Jesus and wept. Since then, I deeply and fully love my Lord Jesus; there is nothing that can separate me and the Lord. I understood then, what the bible means when it says:”for love is as strong as death…” (Song of Solomon 8:6a). I would rather die than make Jesus suffer shame and humiliation again.

Yesterday, when I was at CKRM, Ps Paul was led by the Spirit to ask：“ Who is willing to carry the cross？” When I walked out，I felt God’s love surrounding me in the air and I lifted up both my hands. When Ps Paul placed a cross on my hand, the Holy Spirit immediately filled me. I felt my entire being embracing the cross deeply; I couldn’t help but wept grievously before God. I felt how Jesus felt when he was on the cross for me; His love, His obedience, His sacrifice by leaving behind the glory in heaven for a sinner like me, becoming a man，going to the cross，bearing all shame for me、rebukes、pain、grief、abandoned by God and men……

When I first saw the cross, I began to love the Lord. This time, I know the Lord wanted me to surrender completely to Him, obey Him unto death. The Lord let me understand that we are in this world not to build our own kingdom but to build God’s kingdom. We are not called to be famous and great warriors，but to be like Jesus, die to self, humbly carry the cross and follow our Lord. I am willing to let God do what He wants in my life; let me become smaller and smaller before the Lord, reduced till I fully die to myself and is totally lost in His love. Let the Lord become bigger and bigger，more and more vigorous in me till Jesus is fully formed within me.

I long for you, Lord. I desire you to teach me the way of the cross，desire your will be done in me, desire you to guard my heart and steps so that I can love you, obey you unto death, not giving up the cross mid-way and shame your Name. Amen

Docas
12－7－2009